Alright… I know this is what you have all been waiting for, but first: Due to the graphic nature of this program, viewer discretion is advised.

And now, the list.

3 things I love

1. Erks

2. Reading

3. Playing Guitar Hero until the room starts moving towards me and I feel like I have to hit everything in rhythm. This is not a good driving strategy.

3 things I hate

1. Broccoli

2. Losing

3. Getting up in the morning

3 people who make me laugh

1. E singing Death Metal

2. Handsome Pete (He dances for nickels.)

3. Mitch Hedberg (RIP)

3 things that scare me

1. That so many of the kids I teach have kids I’ll have to teach

2. Having my head stomped on in the middle of a basketball game, oh wait, that’s already happened.

3. Hairless cats (they just seem so unnatural)

3 things I don’t understand

1. Why my Algebra II teacher would never accept my imaginary answers while he was teaching me imaginary numbers.

2. The worlds fascination with no talent celebrities whose most memorable moment was dying (I’m looking at you Anna Nicole.)

3. Solo Synchronized Swimming. How hard is it to be synchronized with yourself?

3 things on my desk

1. I can’t tell because of all the mess

2. See number 1 above.

3. Refer back to 2.

3 things I plan to do today

1. Love my wife

2. Learn the insane main riff from “The Trooper”, a new song on Guitar Hero II that’s hard as Hades!

3. Enjoy doing nothing

3 things I want to do before I die

1. Finish writing my stupid book

2. Teach my kids about the finer points of Pickle Ball (the greatest game on Earth)

3. Meet Gary Busey

3 things I can do

1. Cook (ask Mikey)

2. Think up a song to be the background music to almost any situation (especially during Mexican Train)

3. Perform mouth guitar versions of any Metallica song from 1981-1991 (don’t ask unless you mean it)

3 things I can’t do

1. Comprehend the unbelievable awesomeness of Chuck Norris

2. Interpretive dance (again, don’t ask unless you mean it)

3. Stop myself from saying WaAAaAaAaaAaAAaaAaaaaaAAAAaaHHHhhhhHhh during the beginning of lost (no matter how much Erika hates it)

3 things I miss

1. My Boba Fett underoos

2. Life without bills

3. Playing in a band

3 things I’d like to learn

1. How to play the piano

2. How to do simple home/car maintenance

3. How to make KFC style fried chicken

3 things I regret

1. Wasting time with little girlfriends and not taking football more seriously in high school

2. Failing out of college my first go round

3. Waiting to do things until later

3 favorite foods

1. Just about anything cooked by women over 60 (I don’t know if there’s a secret grandma cookbook or something, but those ladies can throw down.)

2. Anything that at some point in recent history used to be walking around breathing but ended up on a grill.

3. Cheese (even in cake form)

3 Favorite TV shows as a kid

1. G.I. Joe

2. The Electric Company (My favorite was when Spiderman had to fight the Yeti who ran around sitting on ice cream cones. Anybody else remember that?)

3. The Incredible Hulk (you don’t get any better than a green Lou Ferrigno.)

3 people I tag (You can either post it in the comments section, or on your own blog.)

1. Tom

2. Jon

3. Matt